Tuesday 9 July 2013

The Pressure and Pleasure of Hunting Happiness

There are a lot of articles on the internet about the subjects of happiness and positive thinking. Positive affirmations crop up on Twitter on a daily basis and I have retweeted some of the better ones myself. It set me thinking about the pursuit of happiness itself, the expectations these days that we must bombard our minds with positivity daily and, if we don't, then we are somehow lacking.

The last millennium was all about perfecting the body; going to the gym, eating healthily, jogging before breakfast and lunch hour Pilates. This millennium is all about training the mind; positive thinking, the power of suggestion, expanding mental horizons, thinking ourselves to wealth and success.

For some, these new expectations add to the pressure of trying to be more than we are. We are expected to do it all; have a career, have children (educate and expand their minds with extra curriculum activities, the more the better), go to the gym three times a week, keep the home looking nice and make sure the Jones' aren't doing better, push for that promotion, network-network-network and then the hardest thing of all, think positively and present a balanced, healthy, happy, content front. All the time.

The number of people with stress and stress related illnesses has increased. This is unsurprising. It takes a rare person to be all things to all people. Then comes the guilt because of the perceived failure of suffering from stress and the thoughts of self-loathing. In the past we would share our concerns and worries with our families, who would all live in arms reach and a problem shared was a problem halved. Now, of course, families tend to be further apart geographically from each other and often we find ourselves handling everyday life alone with our thoughts. We are told we are weak minded if we can't handle life. We are told to be positive. Look at the positives. There are always people worse off. Count your blessings. In other words, put up, shut up and go and get therapy.

I do believe in meditation, the benefits of alternative therapy such as reiki and massage and the value of positive affirmations. I count my blessings and have gratitude for my life, my family and the people I love. I just can't subscribe to the theory we have failed if we aren't permanently positive, ambitious, seeking self improvement and enlightenment and are a size 6. I measure my worth through the happiness and contentment of the people I love, not my material possessions and self ambition.

I believe it is okay to take time to breathe. It is okay to have a bad day. It is okay to eat a piece of chocolate cake covered in fresh cream. It is okay to indulge in 'me' time. In short, it is okay to take the time to be yourself and to stop trying to live up to the media and others expectations.

1. Give yourself permission to be true to yourself and be kind to yourself.

2. Give yourself permission to be human with all the flaws, pleasure and gratitude that embodies.

3. Find time to meditate and relax. Quieten your mind, even if you only close your eyes in a quiet room and think of a peaceful place.

If you can do this then balance, happiness and contentment will find you eventually but don't force it, don't try and be perfect, don't try and live up to everyone else's expectations. Do something every day which makes you feel as if you have achieved something worthwhile and makes you feel good about who you are. It can be as simple as getting round to clearing out a cupboard, phoning a friend in need of an ear or taking a walk by the sea.

As the saying goes 'a cup is filled drop by drop'.

10 comments:

  1. Thank you! I've just eaten half a large bar of chocolate with no feelings of guilt! No, seriously, I completely agree. A walk in the elements taking in the sights and sounds of nature is something that's very important to me. It wasn't until I had my son that I learned how to just 'be'. It was one of the most important things I have ever learned.

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    1. I never feel guilty about chocolate, it's one of the six main food groups, isn't it? ;)

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  2. So true! We're bombarded with tip on how we should be doing and how we should be feelings. It's nice to just enjoy the moment and 'be', flaws and all.
    Good post!

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    1. Thanks :) I think we are all too hard on ourselves sometimes.

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  3. I think the hardest part is allowing ourselves to be imperfect. Accepting our own flaws and being okay with them is not nearly as easy as pointing out the flaws in others.
    ;)
    Nice post.

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    1. Thanks :) I agree it is not easy and I admit there are days I struggle with it myself but as I have got older I have discovered letting myself just 'be' makes things brighter and less stressful. Meditation has really helped me personally and I just wanted to encourage others to slow down and find a bit of peace with who they are :)

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  4. Ah, you're preaching to the converted, here! I gave up on all that crap years ago, and believe that all this 'having it all' stuff is mostly only a ploy to make people buy diet products/self-help books/cosmetics, etc. The only thing that really matters is being decent to other people and living your life as you feel it ought to be lived :)

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    1. I agree! I have watched friends get themselves into a lot of debt trying to 'keep up' and it doesn't seem to actually make them happier, just adds to the stress they already have and the joy of having the 'new' doesn't seem to last very long as it is quickly replaced by the guilt and worry.

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  5. .....also, people don't have a RIGHT to happiness. Neither can anyone expect to be so all the time - I think it's dreadful, for instance, the way doctors prescribe anti-depressants for people who are experiencing bereavement. It's part of life, and something that people have to go through at some time - not have it dulled with physically addictive chemicals. That's a whole other subject, tho!

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    1. I agree and I also have strong opinions about this subject but, as you say, that is for another day :)

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